Love.

Chapter 2.

~~~~~~~~ Love ~~~~~~~~~
------------------------------------
We can see that 'consciousness is the 'relationship' between the 'perceived-objects' and the 'perceiving-consciousness' i.e. the 'subject'. The 'perceived-objects' seem to be many, where-as the 'perceiving-consciousness' in comparison to them, looks as if it is only 'one'.
When the objects are pleasing, one finds a chord of relatedness with them. But since the objects are many, this delight in their association always varies, and becomes lesser or more. Then the love of 'pleasurable-objects' itself becomes an 'object'. That is, the relation-ship becomes a desire.
It is what we call 'Love'. The very impersonal nature of 'consciousness' then becomes a habit, and owns an aura of 'personal-sense' around it.
In 'Love', one finds, or rather 'feels/experiences' a sense of gratification. A time-bound association with the object of 'Love', becomes a memory of 'identification', where-in the 'subject' i.e. the 'subjective-aspect' of the 'consciousness' gets apparently united with, merged into the 'feeling' /'experience'. This 'memory' is neither the 'object', nor the 'subject', and never the 'objective' or the 'subjective' consciousness. This memory projects a sense of being a 'person'.
The Mind becomes the victim of this illusion.
So, is 'Love' an activity, or it is the real state of 'being' in 'consciousness', which is 'ever-new'? We can also say it has nothing to do with 'time'. The 'idea' of time makes us believe that such a thing 'exists', and can be used to meet the goals.
This 'time', the psychological-time is thus of course an illusion only, -in memory.
We know there is physical time, i.e. the 'chronological' time, and it applies to the things of purely physical nature. 'Thought' defines it, and only through definition, it gives reality to that 'Time' as a 'concept'.
Time and space/distance are defined and measured in 'thought'. But taking those physical things as real is a grievous error of judgment on the part of the 'Mind'.
Just as 'Thought' defines and measures a physical Time and Space, and the physical objects in them, exactly so, it also 'projects' a sense of 'me' / 'I'.
Then the subjectivity-aspect of 'consciousness' gets attached to this 'Thought'/illusion.
All other 'thoughts' keep continued traffic in mind, where-as this central / core thought is never doubted, and so gradually becomes the strongest one.
The 'consciousness' where all this play occurs, remains unaffected. It reflects its 'Light' in 'objects', 'subject' and in their interplay, without interfering in any way.
The 'consciousness' can be seen as a witness, but then it is 'all' also. Because the 'objects', the 'subject' and their relationship, all happen in the Light of that unaffected witnessing consciousness, which is just pure attention.
Since It lacks any kind of division, to speak of it as a 'witness' or a 'witnessing-consciousness' is again a misleading statement.
This 'consciousness', and its "Light in the Heart of Things", is 'Life', The 'attention',
-The attentiveness.
Inquiring into the truth of the 'I'-Thought, which is in reality a 'projection' of the mind in 'consciousness', opens the doors of attention.
That is "Love" worth its meaning.
Then one is not separate from the EXISTENCE, the LOVE, and the LIFE.

****************************************************

Consciousness : The Light Within The Heart.

Chapter -1.
______________

Consciousness and The Life .
_____________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life is always SUBJECTIVE.
Or,
Is there a thing other than 'Life', that can verbally or non-verbally define or speak of 'Life' , and yet is NOT "SUBJECTIVE" ?
The entity that defines "Life" is always "SUBJECTIVE", "SELF-ASSERTIVE",
and,
"CONSCIOUS".
There is "EXISTENCE".
There is "SOME-ONE", 'conscious' of The "EXISTENCE".
It follows that only because "SOME-ONE" 'is' (read : 'exists'), one is capable of being 'conscious' of "EXISTENCE" also.
Therefore, 'existing' and being 'conscious' of "EXISTENCE" are mutually inseparable factors of a single phenomenon. If anything 'exists' there is a 'consciousness' of it, that is 'conscious' of this very thing. By no logic or experience, one can deny this ground of 'consciousness' which is essential to accept the existence of anything tangible or intangible.
So, There is a 'consciousness', and of course it 'exists' also. But that is a superfluous statement.
We have also noted that "LIFE" is 'consciousness', and 'consciousness' is ''LIFE''.
Again they are but two apparent names of an essentially one phenomenon .
Broadly speaking, there are two kinds of things, :
'SENTIENT', and 'IN-SENTIENT'.
'CONSCIOUSNESS' is always 'SUBJECTIVE', and because it perceives the whole "EXISTENCE" as a collective of "Objects", i.e. always in an 'objective'-way, it follows that it is at the same time, 'objective' also.
We therefore see that the phenomenon of 'consciousness' is always a 2-faceted functioning.

The Dual Nature of "consciousness".
Consciousness, Life, Existence, all represent the same thing. And Every one has an inherent duality in essence. This duality is manifest as 'object-subject' link. There is always an object, a subject, and the consciousness of them both.This 'Trinity' of 'object'-'subject'-'consciousness' or 'Life'-'Existence'-'consciousness' is essentially a single entity, but erroneously supposed to be a set of three.
Simple reasoning is sufficient to see that any one of them can never be in the absence of the other two.It simply means These apparently 3 depend totally and unconditionally, on the rest of the 2. So the idea that they are 3 different things is fundamentally an illusion of the mind.
Mind ?
Let us for the time being say; the 'Mind' is the contemplative faculty of the brain.
We don't know if an insentient object has such a faculty, We can of course claim that because such an insentient object has no brain, so no question of its mind can ever be raised.
Sentient and Insentient Things.

In Existence, we can divide the objects perceived by us in terms of 'Sentient' and 'Insentient'.
It seems that the 'Sentient' are endowed with a faculty of 'consciousness', where-as the 'Insentient' are deprived of this faculty.
Then again a 'Sentient'-one has always a perception of 'world and the things of that world' perceived through the senses, along-with of itself also. Then, outwardly one can see that there are some 'objects' which are very much like one-self in having this faculty of 'perceptivity' or 'consciousness'.
Then one 'thinks' (most probably in a non-verbal way) that 'one' is a particular kind of species. Say, a human, or an insect, or animal, bird, fish, etc.
Perhaps a tree or a creeper may also be added to this list of sentient beings.

Therefore, we say;

'Sentient Beings and Insentient Things'.


Again, These 'Sentient-Beings' have a faculty of 'consciousness', which enables them to sense the whole existence, and categorize it further into a pattern of numerous images in mind, according to one's perceptions of them.
This gives rise to another perception, that is of a 'self', which seems to be unchanging as compared to all the things of the 'perceived' world, that incessantly keep changing always.
This 'new' perception in the brain is again transformed into an abstract image of such a thing, which, in comparison to all the other perceptions, seems to be relatively unchanging.
This creates the illusion of one's separate 'identity'. Thought further strengthens this illusion.
Not inquiring into the nature of this 'identity', becomes the beginning of apparent sorrow, and one 'suffers'.

**********************************************

***************************************************************


________________________________________________

The Rivulet -II.

The Rivulet :

-12-

******************************************************************************

"Chaturtham koosh'maand'aa"

Suraa-Sampoorna-Kalasham Rudhiraaplutameva- Cha,

Dadhaanaa-Hasta-Padmaabhyaam-Koosh'maandaa Shubhamastu me !

"Panchamam Skandamaateti"

Simhaasanagataa-Nityam Pdmamaashrit-Karadwayaa,

Shubhadaastu Sadaa Devee Skandamataa Yashaswinee .

"Shash'th'amam Kaatyaayaneeti Cha"

Chandra-Hasojjwalakaraa Shaardoolaravaahanaa,

Kaatyaayanee-Shubham-Dadyaa-Devee Daanava-Ghaatinee .

"Saptam Kaala Ratreeti"

Eka-veni Japaakarn'apooraa Nagnaa Kharrsthitaa,

Lamboshth'ee Karnikaakarnee Tailaabhyaakta-Shareerinee .

In Navaraatra Days, He would Chant while performing Pujaa of Devee.

On One such Navaratri, when Sharu wasnine years, He 'initiated' her into "Saraswat-Deekshaa.

By now was well-acquainted with various Sanskrit Chants, because of Father's company.

She was affectionately called 'Sharu', which was the short for 'Sharadaa', a name of Devee Saraswatee.

She had already learnt Sanskrit Vyakaranam and basics of Indian Classical Music.

She knew where 'C' (Saa) of the Octave starts. She always cherished to develop the singing skills, but father seemed to be reluctant to her this deep craving.

"Why?"

-She would often brood over it.

The reasons became clear, only when was she 16+ of Age.

One day, her father allowed her to practice the specific 'Raags' of Indian Classical Music.

Then father told to a friend of his,

I am happy that this girl of mine has successfully passed through the barrier, I was hopeful of.

He was waiting to see, how her voice turnes-out, when she crosses this specific age, when the

voice may go awry. Fortunately, It remained clear and melodious. Her voice gave her a free

access in all the three octaves.

But even then, Her father one day told her about the 'inner-music', that one needs to discover.

He taught her about the four kinds of 'Sound', one should be able to discriminate well.

He taught her about the "Vaikharee",

He taught her about the "Vaak",

He taught her about "Pashyantee", and finally about the "Paraa".

She asked him about the significance of each of them.

And he told her in short thus, :

"Vaikharee" is the sound made by animate and the in-animate objects.

"Vaak" is the one, through which one talks to one-self.

"Pashyantee" is the one, which remains attentive, and where-from "Vaak" originates.

"Paraa" is the All-encompassing Source and Ground of these three kinds of Sounds.

Telling her about the 'Shaila-Putree" and "Brahmachaarinee" forms of the "Mother-Principle",

He told her, "Staying in 'Brahman' is 'Tapas", and according to Upanish'ads, :

'Brahman Is Tapas'.

'Staying in pure sense of Being, without identifying oneself with the modes of the mind (Vritti) is 'Tapas'.

Though Formless, The 'Divine Mother-Principle' (Paraa) becomes manifest, again in three

forms:

Cosmic,

Collective,

and Individual.

The Mother-Principle really never undergoes any change, but all this is Her Great Play only.

"Leelaa".

She was listening to it attentively.

In the evenings, The devotees would play "Garabaa", before an idol of Devee.

In Garabaa, only Female devotees could participate.

She too would take part enthusiastically. But it was a festival of devotion.

-Pure Devotion only.

There was no scope for vanity.

On such occassions, sometime some devotee would be 'possessed' by 'Maataa'.

Her father would worship her with due ritual performance, and there was no doubt, scepticism or fear about such incidence.

She always witnessed such an event with awe, -with admiration.

The Devee would sometimes perform some miracles, sometimes predict about the future of the

land, the people, and occassionally would suggest some remedies to ailing, worried devotees.

People talked about the veracity of theose predictions.

She was told by the father that human beings should not comment about such things. It is

beyond the capacity of "Vaikharee" and "Vaak" to understand such phenomena.

She could just wonder. She had to wait till she reaches to the "Pashyantee" level of the

Existence. And it is just as the "Grace" would have it. She would get readily convinced.

***********************************************************************************

-13-

"Mahaa-Gaureeti Chaash't'amam ... ... ..."

Shwete Vrish'e Samaaroodh'aa Shwetaambardharaa Shuchi:,

Mahaa-Gauree Shubham-Dadhaan-Mahaadeva-Pramodadaa.

This was the last stanza of the 'Chant' sung by her father. The titles cited before each of them together make-up one more shloka in themselves :

Prathamam Shaila-Putree Dwiteeyam Brahma-Chaarin'ee,

Triteeyam Chandra-Ghant'eti Chaturtham Cha Koosh'maand'aa.

Panchamam SkandaMaateti Sh'ash'th'am Kaatyaayaneeti Cha,

Saptamam Kaala-Ratreeti, Mahaa-Gaureeti Chaash't'amam.

These were the Eight 'Forms' of the One and Only One Divine Mother, which the devotees worshipped during "Nava-Durgaa"- Festivals.

She was enchanted by every form of the Mother. Occasionally, she would realize that her mind has become tranquil, calm and collected. A soothing Light would engulf her mind and body and being. She could know only after returning to her usual self, that the "Light" was the Grace of the "Divine-Mother". This repeated for years. Especially on Fridays, and Tuesdays in the evenings, but sometimes in the mornings also. This was a kind of 'normal' thing for her.

In one of the Navaratra, however she came across a new revelation. While doing the traditional 'Garabaa', she felt the same Light is approaching to her from all directions, and as the Light touched her, she found herself transfixed in It. The sense of 'personal'-being however continued at a mild level. Only the Light that descended upon her took control of all her physical actions. She could sense that she is now possessed by a Greater divine power, and she had not to have fear any more. The Power was worshipped by her father, and the devotees, in the same way, as she herself used to do, when she saw earlier such happenings with other devotees, mostly the females only.

This time, however she could remember that the "Power" had a specific ethereal form that closely resembled one of the nine forms of the mother, as described in the scripture. She never disclosed the thing to any one.

She now knew well that where-from the "Divine" Forms come and where they return.

Her father had explained it:

"Lochayati, Lochyate waa, iti Loka:"

It meant that one who 'sees' or 'seen' is "Loka" i.e. the 'soul'.

The Divine forms of the Mother are themselves their Realms, i.e. Loka.

All this is Verily the "Brahman",

-The Upanishadik Lore came to her mind.

The Life was going smoothly. After some years she was married to a Brahmin boy of her own caste, and entered the 'Grihastha-Ashrama'.

She was not very wealthy, but had servants to help her in the domestic chores. She however continued to celebrate Navaratra, to worship and feed "Kumaarees", all the same. She would be 'visited' by the Divine Mother now and then, but nothing note-worthy happened. She gave birth to a son and a daughter,and lived happily.

***********************************************************************************

-14-

The ninth form of the Mother :

"Navamam Siddhi-Daatree...."

Siddha-Gandharva-Yakshaadyai:-asurai:-amarai:-api,

Sasevyamaanaa Sadaa Bhooyaat Siddhidaa Siddhidaayinee.

These nine forms of the Divine Mother Durga were devotedly worshipped during the Navaraatra Time.

During one such Navaratra, when she was just preparing for the evening pooja, a humble villager came to have her 'Darshana'

He prostrated before her. She was sometimes greeted by the visitors in such a way.

She just raised her open right palm upon her and said :

'Tathaastu'.

She was not even asked for a boon, but as the words spontaneously escaped her lips, the villager was just wonder-struck .

Taken aback, He tried to convey his wish, when she herself remarked,:

'Don't doubt, I shall myself appear at your home as a girl-child after the next Navaratra.'

She said to him.

She was at the time at another level of 'consciousness'. She was just lost in the contemplation of

the Mother, when he had suddenly arrived there.

She so, couldn't remember even a single thread of the conversation between them.

She resumed her work.

Next year, along-with a fellow women devotees of her village, she went to visit some holy places.

She went to Haridwaar, Rishikesh, Vaishno-Devi, Gangotree, Yamunotree. They had planned to visit KedaarNath and Badri-Naath Dhaams.

While returning, They again took a dip in the Ganges, -precisely at Har-Kee-Paidee, when the

memory of that humble villager resurfaced before her mental eyes. She could see her time had

come . She knew well that she is going to be absorbed in the Holy Ganges.

Unhesitatingly, she stepped forward in the deep waters, and was gone !

The mighty waves took her fast in their stride. The fellow women could do nothing.

They made a frenetic search for her, but she was swept-away in the streams. Found no-where.

*************************************************************************

-15-

'Kinee' was 'Sharu' .

When the old villager heard the news of his wife's pregnancy, he was in his late

forties. Some 18 years ago was he married and so far had been childless. When the news broke-

over in the village, every-one congratulated him and his wife.

On the auspicious day of Deepawali, his wife delivered a girl-child. Living in the village that was

near a river, he named her ''Mandaakini', and the father lovingly called her by the name 'Kinee'.

We don't know if he knew or not about the demise of 'Sharu' alias 'Sharadaa'.

He was just happy.

He lived in the hamlet near the tiny rivulet, that becomes a somewhat bigger stream and joins

another one some thirty-forty miles away from his village. The river then again meets the

mighty Yamunaa. He had twice visited the confluence, where It joines the river Yamunaa.

'kinee' perhaps never knew the meaning or the origin of her name. She just thought, her name

was an alternative to a very small piece of 'mishree', or the sugar. And perhaps she was given

this name, just as the custom . Incidentally, she had a friend, who told her it was the name of some river. She didn't know what was the truth. She, however liked her name.

*********************************************************************************

-16-

The Night was past twelve. The deep silence and the noise and sounds of the wild 'beings' permeated the jungle. It was the first night of the new moon, -'Pratipadaa'.

She was hungry and thirsty, but it did not become a distraction to her journey 'inwards'.

She was so deeply absorbed and a bit fascinated also into the re-occurrences of her past lives, that seemed to her, as if re-enacting themselves, that a question started haunting her.

'Who am I?',

-verbally it could be framed in these three words. It was a real-life identity-crisis to her. She could not see if Sharu became the girl Kinee, or the girl Kinee was Sharu in her past life! She couldn't even judge if she was Kinee's new birth, or Kinee was her past one ! Who is She? She could vividly see that she was a female tiger retiring in her isolated spot under the trees in the silent jungle, but she could now doubt this fact .She thought, may be in the waking hours she is the female tiger, yet during hours when she is fast asleep, she owns other identities. She laughed out aloud . In the silent jungle, her laughter didn't cause a stir. When she could not bear, she rose-up and went to the adjacent water-hole to quench her thirst.

The dreams/other worldly experiences resumed their play.

It occurred to her that she was just a witness that gave foundation to all these three characters, namely; Sharu, Kinee and this current one, the tiger. In an instant flash, her identity was bare before herself.

Good Joke ! she uttered to herself.

Then what does it mean when she is no more?

She could now easily recall all the three births, but the current/present one seemed to be overpowering. The other two seemed as if they were lucid dreams only.

Then again she wondered, why she has donned the tiger-skin?

She searched more and more. She could see herself postured in 'Padmaasana', performing some 'japa' as Sharu. Then she recalled herself as Kinee, playing with a tiger and being attacked and killed by the same. Then once more, she could find herself in a tiger-body, sitting with the hind legs folded while the rear-ones stretched-out crossing each other.

And it was very comfortable for her to perceive the thing, -her true identity, which was a non-verbal entity, as her simple being, -the witness.

She immediately realized that humans could never grasp this simple truth of Life.

She was a 'vehicle' of Life, she said to herself.

Then again she saw her father's face, who had told her about this truth.

'Life', -the Mother Divine permeates and pervades the whole Existence. The Whole Existence is just an infant in Her lap. But for the humans, She owes forms, She Herself becomes 'the Existence', -the whole life.

She rides the back of a Tiger, and the bull, and the Hansa (Swan), and the Peacock, and She keeps the existence breathing, alive.

Even at the gross level, humans survive, only if the tiger survives. If tiger survives not, only the herbivores would be there on the earth. They would graze-out every bit of grass, and the land will face droughts and famines , will soon become barren, and humans too would vanish. And if Humans vanish, Life is lost.

Then, the tiger and the other carnivores have a slow rate of population. And if they are in aplenty, humans would go for their hunt. So, this whole life is a complete and perfect cycle.

***********************************************************************************

-17-

Bodily, she was a tiger, mentally, she was an amalgam of several mental attributes, thoughts, feelings, emotions, intelligence, all mingled together in front of the back-drop of a 'sense' of 'I'/ 'me'. An intense urge to understand the significance of this 'sense' of 'I'/'me' arose in her very being, at the core, where-from this sense must have its origin.

She could recall the events of her past lives as if happening on a screen. She was the screen, She was the picture, and she was the rapidly moving pointed tip of the consciousness that gave form and colour to the picture. She was the 'time-span' in which the pictures owed their ( virtual ) existence.

The myriad pictures were formed in a bit of second, and were dissolved in the nothingness.

The identity-crisis was overcome in a fraction of the moment. But it was not a 'new' knowledge.

Time had been ever like this. It never moved. It was the film that kept moving and created a sense of the movement of pictures, and the illusion of the passage of time also.

Bodily, she would live for the rest of her stipulated life as a lady tiger. She would kill a beast twice a week. Sometimes a day, if she kills a rabbit or a deer, She would search for a male, she would give birth to cubs every third year, and after some 15 to 20 years, or before that, die.

In the following night, she resumed her journey through the proverbial 'memory-lane'.

As Sharu, she was aware about the significance of 'Praana' and 'Chakras' , of 'Kunda' 'Kundala' and 'Kundalini', Of 'Idaa', 'Pingalaa' and 'Sushumnaa'. Of the various 'Devas' that own the 'Chakras'. The various kinds of 'Praanaayams', The concentration of mind, and retaining the 'Praanas', at a specific 'Chakra' or nerve-center. She also knew how to locate the centres through the 'inner-eye', without bringing-in imagination. How to 'vitalize' them, and direct, stop or reverse the movement of 'Pranas' through various passages (Naadees). How to propitiate the specific deities that are connected to those different centres. It was really very absorbing and yielding too.

But then ?

She could see, how 'Kaaya-vyooh' creation helped exhausting the 'individual-praarabdha' and that is one cause that lead her to newer births.

The successive 'Kaayaas' and the lives, helped her, no doubt.

But then ?

-What next?

She had no answer, but a deep satisfaction, contentedness, within her .

*************************************************************************************

-18-

She could vividly 'see', her own past lives, when she was some aspirant , when she was a yogi,

tapasvee, bhakt, jnaanee, and saadhak. When she was having a male body. She had been trained

by competent spiritual masters. It was the life, when she believed in 'enlightenment', and in

'bondage', liberation, and God . Her belief was just nominal, because it was founded on ignorance

of the True nature of them. What precisely did she know? She wanted to gather 'knowledge'.

She desired to be a great scholar, Pundit, a Master of all Vedik-knowledge.

But there lied a ray of hope. The master repeatedly instructed her to practice 'chintana' of the

transient nature of the life, of the worldy pleasures and sorrows, and try to see for herself, what

lies beyond them. The master was very emphatic that any spiritual search in the quest of God,

Truth, Religion, Self, Brahma, etc. begins with understanding that if there is something, which

may be permanent ? If the search is not motivated with this understanding, it would eventually

end in the pursuit of some worldy gains, and that would fail all efforts.

The Master was a traditional one. Not a mystic. A very ordinary man, a scholar, but he never portrayed himself as a Guru. He just respected every-one.He respected the trees, the rivers and the mountains, the beast and the wild, and the humans and the birds.

People said he could do miracles, but he ever refused that he had any such special siddhies which may give such results.

Earlier he would go daily for the alms and would ask at the doors of five households only. He would stay at the door, clap thrice, would wait for a while to hear hint a sound of some-one's coming with the alms. He would never stop for more than a minute. If he got sufficient, he would not go to the next household. He would not take alms from more than three houses. He would not go to more than five houses. He would just return, and stay at his place under a tree. If there were rains, he would take shelter in some shaded place in the nearby temple precincts.

After some fifteen years of his stay there, the people made a simple hut for him. He himself laid the foundation stone, and helped in constructing the mud-hut with the bamboo-roof, shaded with mud mixed with leaves. It was well-protected from the harsh Sun or the heavy rains. He would sit there on a mrig-charma or a vyaaghra-charna (a deer or tiger skin).

Sometimes he would read some Sanskrit texts, which the visitors used to bring for him. He had no formal education, and often said that 'knowledge' is there in the heart of man, waiting to be discovered. He would say: 'Staying as oneself is the true Tapas'. One needs nothing.

It was his direct approach to truth that caused him to explain the texts that people used to bring before him. He never quoted any evidence from any Shastras or scriptures. The truth for him was like a nut put on one's palm. And he emphasised that only way to truth is the 'Nitya-Anitya- chintana'. That could lead to the dawn of wisdom. Wisdom (or spiritual wisdom, the truth about God, Life, death, and such other things) is inherent in man and evolves and unfolds-out, when one starts 'Nitya-Anitya-Chintana'. To the more schollarly, he would 'prescribe' 'Sat-Asat-Chintana'.

He would always start from the level of the seeker that approached to him for some guidance.

When her master ordered her to seek instructions from that mendicant, who lived in that mud hut she (He) enthusiastically went to Him, served him with humility, pleased him, and one day he asked him on his own to express, what he desired.

"Upadesha' she (He) spontaneously said with great joy.

"O.K., the mendicant, the begging Sadhu consented.

And thus started the new discipline of "Swaadhyaaya".

The Sadhu had accepted her (him) as the first disciple. He ceremoniously sprinkled some water on her/his head, and said;

I have accepted you as my son. So do the saadhanaa that is given to you . You may come to me whenever you feel you have established in the understanding of my "Upadesha", firmly. You do it regularly.

Then he told her / him to do 'vichaar'.

'Vichaar' of what ? -she/he asked.

'Vichaar' of the transient and the in-transient. What is permanent here ? You know the body, the world, and the self. What do you know about them ? Is that knowledge itself permanent ? Doesn't that keeps changing? The world, the body, and the self. You really know nothing about them. It is their 'perception' in your mind that you perhaps know. So, you know the mental image / assertion of them.

This 'Vichar' needs to be done repeatedly, untill you realize that there is something permanent that is the ground of all of them .

Likewise, You should ponder over the states and phases of the mind. Namely, The waking, The dream and The Deep sleep States of the mind. All of them are transitory. And there is a sense of 'me' that remains constantly with the.

Likewise, you will try to see what kind of things are the emotions, the desires, the feelings, the intellect, etc. Do they stay for-ever ?

So carry on now onwards, this 'Vichaar'. And One day, I shall ask you about your progress. You should yourself come to some conclusion or doubt at the end of this "saadhanaa". Then, ... ... ...

He blessed her/him.

***********************************************************************************
-19-

She obeyed the orders. She eventually became very interested in the search for the exact thing, that remains unchanged through-out one's life. She felt that it is the sense of 'being' oneself, me, that persists through the three states of consciousness, namely deep sleep, waking and dream.
She could ultimately discover that this very sense of 'being' is the 'substratum'/'Adhishthaan' of 'consciousness, which 'becomes' or appear to have expressed itself in the forms of 'subjective'-consciousness as 'me' and the 'objective'-consciousness as the 'world'.
Where stands the body ? The body and the 'world' are not the consciousness. Though the consciousness depends upon the body for its appearance, it is like the flame, which is essence of the fuel, but not the fuel. So, there is no doubt, a firm foundation, Unchangeable, which is the foreground of this whole 'phenomenon. NOUMENON.
She could see she need not identify with anything perceived by her, she is mere 'perceptivity, formless, not separate from the 'perceiver' or the 'perceived'.She can't say this truth, because she is all .
The journey was over.She (He) spent that life as a simple human being Taught the Supreme Truth to the seekers that went to him for 'Upadesha'.
And one day, The Master approached him, asked him about his 'Saadhanaa'.
She told Him about her understanding of The 'Self'(Aatman), The Only Reality(The Brahman) and the Truth(Satyam)
The Master was plwased to hear her 'state'.
He gave him / her yet another "Mantra'.
He instructed him / her to 'meditate' upon that 'Mantra'.
It was the 'Ekaaksharee' Beeja-Mantra.
The Master accepted alms from him / her, and soon returned. It was a short visit.
The Master was away, when he/she was thinking, he/she knew all that could/should be known by any ardent seeker.
But in fact, he/she had to learn so many things even now.
Only Time would show it.

************************************************************************************

-20-
It was a new dawn. The 'Beejaakshara' proved to be a great help in opening up of his/her latent tendencies, in terms of 'subtle and deepexperiences'
To the outside world, he/she would remain immersered in 'samaadhi for quite long hours. Inside, she would see miraculous 'lights' and listen to 'naada', the 'sounds', she had never heard before.
After about a fortnight, she could vividly 'see' the 'chakras', within her consciousness, that hardly resembled the pictures seen so far by him/her. As in the 'Samaadhi', her body and the world including the recognition of them would altogether disappear, and he/she would find himself / herself at a 'subtle level', it was not possible to locate those experiences anywhere in the body or the world. He/she soon went on a 'journey-inwards', where she saw the 'Beejakshars' as sound vibrations along-with a 'form' of their own. For example, whenever she would 'hear' the 'sound' represented by any vowel or consonant or even a diphthong ('Beejaakshara'), she would actually see the 'form' of that letter, which vaguely resembled with the written letter by which it was depicted in 'Sanskrit' The Only difference was that the 'hearing' and' seeing' i.e. the 'subtle' experiencing would always be at the 'subjective' and at a 'objective' level also, at the same moment. That was the 'place', where she could realize the 'Sanskrit' as the foundational language of the whole Universe. She used to 'enjoy' the transes, as the 'time' would be no more. Would have no meaning at all.
With the continuence of different experiences, he/she 'deciphered' the whole 'Akshara-Grama' i.e. alphabets of the esoteric language.
Then he/she could see every 'Devataa' that was innately associated with the 'Beejaaksharas'. The Devataa was the 'Beejaakshara', and the 'Beejaakshara' the Devataa. There were 33 'koti' of them in all. Now he/she understood the meaning of 33 'koti's. It simply meant 'kinds'.
When the opportune time came, The Master once again came to him/her.
He didn't ask any more a question.
He simply blessed him/her with His open right palm on his/her head.
He said;
"Now you have seen all that was needed, you may undergo several births even now, if you wish so. But those experiences, that you had during this time, since my last visit, shall repeat no more. As you had longed for them earnestly, I have made it possible for you to have them."
And then He said again,
Stay firmly in the truth that

YOU ARE THE ONLY "SUBJECTIVE" and THE "OBJECTIVE" REALITY.
YOU ARE THE "KNOWING", THE "KNOWN" and the "KNOWER".
Then the Master left.

She saw all these things that night.

********************************************************************************

EPILOGUE.

*********************************************************************************

There was a roar . She could immediately recognise it. It was her soulmate, The Tiger, that had eluded her a few days ago. They came near each other very slowly, hesitatingly. They sniffed each other for long, occasionally kissing and licking. In the beginning they were trying to understand each other in their own feline ways. They was no hurry. Like the vast jungle, as their kingdom, the future too was an eternal expanse before them.
images of the past life made a slide-show before her mental eyes, when she was ''Kini".She had that puppy. She soon smelt the particular scent that oozed out from the puppy's body. The same scent was there in the body of her soul-mate again. She could guess, as she had devoured out "Kini" in a rage of love, her soul-mate might had consumed her puppy. Just as She was only "kini's" new avataar, exactly so, the Tiger, this soul-mate of her was a new avataar of her own beloved puppy.
They gradually became intimate, very fond of each other. She was rejuvenated. They gave birth to three fluffy cubs. The time flew by.
In that man-declared 'tiger-reserve' i.e. 'abhayaaranya', they were a happy lot, when one day poachers shooted-down the male. She escaped with a slight injury, and didn't know what happened to her cubs. She was again sad, depressed, violent, aggressive, tormented. Lonely.
That year the river was flooded. It had crossed the banks and inundated the surrounding land.
Lonely, Tired, she ultimately drowned herself in thewaters, because she did no more want to live. There was a miracle in waiting for her. As a female tiger, she was dead. Her corpse floating on the surface, rotting, petrifying, and giving a very foul smell. But she could vividly 'see' for the first time; She was the RIVER. Along-with that corpse, She, as the RIVER, was every-where in the forest. She could not think, for the instrument of the thinking, the 'brain' was dead.
She was just the body of waters. She gave life to the Earth, to the fish, and to the woods, to the tiger, and to the humans.
Humans kept defiling her, putting garbage and waste-matter in her expanses, yet she kept silent.
She is still there, Still nourishing the land, deteriorating in body, but pure in heart and spirits.


*********************************************************************************

The Rivulet.

The Rivulet : 1 - 11.

-1-


She,
Was a cute girl.
Comely, charming,
-17.
Going to jungle every-day.
In fact, it was her home!
She lived there in a hut.
With her parents.
She used to roam the surrounding jungle every-day.
The monkeys, the mongoose, were her friends.
And the fish,
-That lived in the little water-hole (well)adjacent to her hut.
And also those, who swam into the rivulet from where she fetched water.
Because it was convenient.
Because she could play there with the fish,
and bring the water from there while returning.
She was often accompanied by her puppy,
-Always, -we can say !
It was also cute like her,
- but ferocious too!
Her parents were living with her.
They were worried about her marriage !
They but never showed their anxiety before her.
Where-from the money will come?
They had been saving it bit-by-bit.
The jungle was enough to give them their daily bare requirements,
-like food, cloth and shelter.
But they needed salt too !
And the jungle sometimes provided them something that they can exchange for money
and buy such luxuries sometimes.
She knew about their worry, stealthily though, while listening to their talks.

***********************************

-2-

Today she saw 'Her'.
The Tiger, or rather the Tigress,
-The Lady-Tiger !
In the quiet hours just before dawn, when the darkness becomes thicker.
She was going to respond the daily early morning call of the nature, as usual.
She had no facility in the hut,
She spotted her there.
Quenching the thirst, in the river-waters.
She was stunned.
Oh yes!
It was a She-Cat!
A large one.
The wild-one.
The Big Lady-Tiger -in fact!
There were Black and yellow, creamy stripes on her body !
Golden, honey-coloured.
She walked-away, Gracefully.
While walking-back, she looked with her wide eyes to the girl.
It sent a shiver in her spine.
Without staying for the next second she was gone.
-Leaped onto her way.
In those silent hours,
There was the silver showering from the sky,
- in the form of moonlight.
They were on the opposite sides of the rivulet.
At the far ends.


*****************************************


-3-

She was not afraid.
She returned to the hut.
The father had got-up.
He put a 'biree' in his mouth'
Lit a match-stick and blew-out a thick smoke.
Took the 'tin-mug' and left for the jungle.
She didn't tell him or the mother about the tiger.
Instead she untied the puppy from the corner, and took it out for the daily stroll.
She was worried about her puppy. She knew it was a relishing food for the 'bitch'.
She cursed the big cat.
She would not leave the puppy alone any more.
But then,
There are far more animals, bigger ones, that could feed the 'bitch',
-She consoled herself.
She played with the puppy,
-kissing her sometimes, running after him, chasing him to long distances in the
jungle.


*****************************************************

-4-

In the coming nights she would get-up twice or thrice, startled by her own thoughts.
She knew the the natural enmity between the felines and the canines.
She would sometimes used to sleep with the puppy, but only when she was a bit
doubtful about its safety.
Otherwise, she would just check out for it in the corner, and see it there sitting
or or snoozing.
Then one evening, she again spotted the tiger.
Returning from the jungle, with firewood and a few wild berries, and the puppy, she
saw her. She was there under the thicket of the bush. Relaxing, as if a part of the
land. She hurried to home. The tiger remained unmoved when she cast a glance over
her again.
The same thing happened after a few days, when she saw her speeding away towards the deeper area of the jungle. She heaved a sigh of relief.

*********************************************


-5-

After every 2-3 weeks she would encounter her from a long distance, and she
gradually grew bold and fearless of the feline. She began to feel some kind of
affinity with her. During next whole year they both developed a cordial friendly
relationship. The tiger was almost tamed by her. Occassionally, she would sniff her,
and she would just have shivers . She couldn't believe it, but it gave her a strange
sense of gratification. Now she didn't carry the puppy along-with. She had an axe,:
'-in case something happens', -she would think aloud.
The time kept moving, the seasons changed, and one day she found her puppy missing.
It was missing for the next two days. She had three consecutive sleepless nights.
She couldn't see the tiger also. The third day the puppy returned, with a bitch.
She understood. The three lived happily there for a few months and the bitch gave 3
cute pups.


The things repeated. She was now having an 'affair', -sort of a romance with the
tiger. She could now gaze sometimes for a moment, for a very long moment indeed,
(though it was really a fraction of a second, but appeared to her a long one moment)
Looking into those fearless fiery big eyes always fascinated her. Somehow, one day
she gathered heart and caressed her fur. The silky, smooth stripes . There were many
fires. Trepidation, thrill, excitement, fear.She had a great experience that day.

After returning to home the pets kept sniffing and barking at her incessantly.
Only after her taking a bath the pets could somehow manage to bear her. After that
day she never tried to touch the big cat.But she would meet her once in a while
without fail.
And this happened one day. She saw her, The big cat approached her with silent
paces, very gracefully and kept basking in her company as usual. Suddenly in a fit
of rage, it pounced upon her, tore her, and made her her food.
The pets kept waiting for her. The father searched for her, and found her remains
in the jungle. He could easily recognise her clothes, bangles and the ear-rings.


****************************************************************************

-6-

She was there. All alone.
She could not believe her eyes. She could not understand if she was the same girl,
that she herself had devoured yesterday. She was the tigress, and she was the girl.
She could see the things, the happenings, and understand also,but could not think
through words. The past life would come to her as a remembrance,just like a 'waking-
dream'. She was going through two mental states. One, as a tiger, another as the
girl. Gradually these two states merged into one, and she started herself now mostly
as a tiger, though occassionally, she would dream of being the girl also.
She was after all a wild animal ! Was she one?
She felt She was the Goddess of the woods, 'Van-Devi'.
She even now sees in her 'waking dreams' how she had worshipped herself when she was
a 16 year old girl, -during the past life?
As a tiger she could never remember she had devoured a sixteen or eighteen year old
girl a year ago !
She could also remember how she had worshipped the Mother-Goddess, River-Goddess,
and the Goddess in stone, The Marble-One .She could here some sounds, chantings, and
rituals being performed by herself in that 'past' life of her's.
The merge was complete. The girl and the tigress coalesced.


*************************************************************************

-7-

What does that mean to her?
There was one, The Tigress, which remembered her past "Lives".
Though she thought herself a tigress, yet she could never deny, she was a girl in a
'past' life.
She roamed free, in the vast 'Sanctuary', the 'Reserved Forest', where hunting was
prohibited by the Law of the Land.
It was a comparatively long winter. In this part of the earth, the winter was a
pleasant gift of nature(thinking a in tiger-friendly way.)
The day-time was shorter, the nights longer. She could go on her hunting expedition.
She was also sensing the upsurge of a strange energy and spirit in her. She needed a
'male' friend. The urge was intense, great indeed !!
One night she smelled a scent in the jungle. The wind had carried the scent from the
east, and she could recognise immediately; it was the 'puppy'. Her own pet. She was
transported for a while into the realm of the girl's life. Something stirred in her
heart. The images revived. She gave a roar, the girlish one. Quick came the reply.
There was one on the far-end in the east. It was a Big Tiger, Male.
It was not her puppy. Then why she smelt her 'puppy' in the scent ?
She could see. She could understand by her sixth sense. She could see the tiger had
eaten-up her puppy. And her puppy has a new birth! Death is not ugly. She realized.
She could see she could reunite with her own dear puppy ! She was in fact Happy. No
thought of complaint touched her mind. Instead, she felt gratitude ! To the Mother
Goddess. Who-so-ever may she be !!
She could sense the secret !
" ya nisha sarva-bhootaanam...."
These lines came to her mind. She could hear the syllables, but couldn't see what it
meant !
She could remember she had heard these sounds in her yet earlier past life when she
daily recited 'Geetaa'.
In the flashback, She could see a clear picture of a (her own previous) life, when
she was a scholarly lady of repute.
She spontaneously with-out a desire entered 'her' psyche of her own past birth as
that lady. She knew so many things in those ten or fifteen minute's time.
She was deeply engrossed in that 'vision' when the wind had changed the direction of
movement. It was now very slow, south-eastwards. And the scent was gone. She
searched a long way through the jungle, but alas ! She couldn't reach her soul-mate,
on that dark night !!

************************************************************************


-8-


That night was a long, very long, lonely night. She had never known what loneliness
meant.That night she was sad. Sad for what? For the 'puppy'? In a way, -yes, she
could no more bear the pain of separation. In her mind the images overlapped,
intersected, shared each other, and she was split in herself as a result. So many
dream-spaces tried to occupy her. Their conflict gave a way to her past forgotten
memories.
She was a scholar, she was not though directly connected with the religion, but the
Sanskrit language was her passion. She dwelt on the beauty and the sublimity of the
language. The most important aspect of the language that impressed her, was the growth of sensibility accompanied by learning it. You always achieve another higher level of sensibility, a kind of spiritual Intelligence, -she would realize. She could understand the hidden meanings of this old, ancient language.
She had her own way of grasping the words, she would often break-up every word, and
see how they are formed. ETYMOLOGY.
"Ya Devee Sarvabhooteshu, ... ... ..."
Suddenly the words came-up in her mind.She corrected herself. 'But then isn't "Nisha"
'a Devee, -a Goddess?' -she said to herself.
There was the catch, She could see now.
So It is the Mother Goddess, that permeates every creature, every being. Every-one
is Her child. Me too.
She again tried to 'visualize', her past birth as a scholar. Yes. She understood
the words are never a way to knowledge. There is some other route, to understand the
life. And the things that are life.
She again remembered, what she was trying to understand, She could see now how the
animals were sacrificed before an idol of Devee. She could see, for the first time,
that Life and death are one, inseparable entity. Nothing dies.
It went on throught the night. She didn't go for a 'kill'. She had killed a wild
boar, and the half-eaten body of the animal was still there near her den. She felt
thirsty, Went up to the water-hole to quench the thirst.
She would observe a fast to-night.

**************************************************************

-9-

It was a strange night. She kept awake the whole night. She always wake-up after sun-set, wonder the jungle. eventually find some deer, or other animal to feed herself. Sometimes
it would take 2 to 3 hours. Meanwhile she would go to the water-hole for the drink. She never killed an animal while drinking water. She could not kill a creature when it would be fulfilling some natural need. She would never kill a couple, But occassionally she had killed a pregnant one, in-advertantly. Afterwards, she could not consume the prey, and now she know, why.

Now she know the strange ways of destiny'. Not exactly, but she does know life learns about itself, and the destiny always helps.

The sacrifice of a buffalo and the goats before the idol of Devee came before her eyes. Once She had seen herself that a tiger had leapt-out from the clay-image of the vehical of the mother, when a sacrifice was being performed. She told the surrounding people, but the laughed-away at her remarks in disbelief. She was surprised. But she knew that it has some meaning at the higher level of life's esoteric facts.

"Destiny". she uttered to herself.

It was a no moon night. It was an "Amaawaasyaa". She recalled. She was there. As a lady, she was not allowed to take part in the certain rituals, but she could attend the ceremonies.

The next nine days she had observed the ceremonial fasts. In those nine days, the Mother Goddess revealed before her Her nine forms, and she kept the things secret. She knew well, that The Mother is, Everything. Manifest and the Unmanifest. And It is a Play of a kind.

She could see the meaning of the sloka -

"Ya Devee Sarva Bhuteshu......"

She could understand there are innumerable forms of the Mother, and the worldly mother is but one of them.

She also remembered, how a cat consumes one of her kittens !

And how a female-snake , one or many of her own offsprings.

But it in no way justifies a sacrifice. She thought.

It is the Mother Nature, that has her own ways. One should never comment upon it.

It was the dawn of wisdom. She would just stay-away amazed. Speechless.

In that moonless night several screens opened-up before her eyes.

The past birth(s).

******************************************************************************

-10-

She was 5, when her mother died. The mother loved her deeply, and she felt her absence when she left her at that tender age.

Her father was a Brahmin, working as a priest in the Durga Temple.

Her father was a Sanskrit-loving pundit, and was very particular about observing and performing the rituals in minute details. She could hear the different mantras, Ved-paath daily in her house. After the death of the mother her father soon married her aunt, the younger sister of her mother.

It was very helpful to him, because now he could devote more time to his work and the child could be also be taken care of well.

The aunt was also very affectionate towards her, but not like her own mother. She would cling to father more, and in a way, it created in her heart an interest of Sanskrit chants.

She could recite the Geetaa, though she could hardly understand even the simple meanings of the slokas.

"Ahamaatmaa Gudakesha Sarva-Bhootaashay-sthita:"

(10/20), was a typical sloka that was her favourite one, because she thought, it has something to do with 'jaggery', -the indian 'Gud', raw form of cane-sugar.

Years after she could see the real meaning of the word, and knew that it was an address to Arjuna. It meant; 'the one that has conquered the sleep'.

What is meant by 'conquering the sleep' ?

-She had asked to her father.

The father was very happy for her asking such a question.

'There are so many kinds of sleep'. He explained.

'One is the simple sleep which overpowers us in the night.

Then there is another one. The ignorance of our true identity. We are lost in identifications and in this way are unmindful of the real truth of our being. We think, we are a person, and remain forgetful of our reality. This is called the sleep of ignorance.

-sleep of delusion, -"Moha-Nidra".

"Moha" means, not seeing the truth in the right way. "Muh" is the 'dhaatu', (root) . The words 'Moodha' has its origin in "Muh". Every-one from the very birth is a "Moodha", Because of th senses are naturally turned outwards. One, who has turned the senses inwards can be said to have 'awakened', -no more asleep. But this is the beginning. Arjuna could turn his senses inwards. And so, he was aware that he was till now living in 'Moha-Nidra'. Waking-up to one's "Moha-buddhi" is also a victory over sleep.

"What precisely did he wake-up to?"

-She asked to the father.

'Of course, he didn't wake-up to the Reality of the Self (Atmaa), but became conscious of the 'self-sense' that every one has naturally from the very birth, but most don't ever become conscious of.' -said he.

"Asmi-Chetanaa?"

"Yes." "Knowing that 'I am', precedes knowing everything else. That is pure knowing of being. The intellect is just a development of this pristine 'knowing".

From there on, a question kept haunting her, :

"What is this "Self"?

"I am", and I know I am. But what does that mean? And 'God' resides within the heart i.e. core of very being of every creature in the form of "Asmi-Chetanaa". She concluded.

She was also careful that it is just an intellectual inference, and has to 'stay' for long in this truth, so that the full import of it can dawn upon her.

She would repeat this sloka,and came to understand the deeper meaning when she compared it with :

"Vedaanaam SaamavVedo-Asmi, .... ....

.... ..... ... Bhootaanaam-Asmi-Chetanaa"

She knew, the Devee and The "Asmi-Chetanaa" are same in essence.

She got a straight indication, how to go in search of The God.

*****************************************************************************

-11-

Her father was chanting a prayer, :

Prathamam Shailaputree.

"Vande Vaanchhit-Laabhaay chandraardha-krit-Shekharaam,

vrish'aaroodh'aam shooladharaam Shailputreem Yashaswineem."

She thought, the first manifestation of the Divine Mother is in th Earthly body of a 'cell' which connotes with 'Shail'. Medical Science would agree. She thought.

"Dwiteeyam 'Brahmachaarinee "

"Dadhaanaa kara-padmaabhyaamakshamaalaa-kamand'alam,

Devee praseedatu mayi Brahmachaarin'yanuttamaa."

"Triteeyam Chandra-Ghant'eti"

"Pind'ajapravaraaroodh'aa Chand'akopaastrakairyutaa,

Prasaadam Tanute Mahaam ChandraGhant'eti Vishrutaa."

Her father one day told her the deeper meaning of this next sloka.

She could immediately realize that "God lives in the hearts of all creatures in the form of 'pure knowing'."

It was the first day of Navaratra, some 50 years ago !!

***********************************************************************************
next :

The Rivulet -

12-21

Reaching Nowhere.

Reaching Nowhere.

Living one's Life,
Re-living the past,
Everyday,
With a new hope in the mornings,
With the struggle -the whole day,
With the disappointment,
-tired-ness in the evenings,
Taking stocks in the night,
Thanking God for the day, -while going to bed,
Is a Great Respite,
When you are alone, all alone, with no thoughts, emotions,sentiments, feelings,
-To say your own.
You are 'dead',
-yet not 'dead',
But Alive.
In a next world,
That is now-here.
Thanks God !
You are There !
by Vinay Vaidya.
************************************************************************************

The Secret.
Tell it to the winds.
Where-ever they may spread your message.
-to the people, -known or the unknown,
Even the strangers.
The Winds are friends.
The friendly messengers.
They won't laugh at you,
They won't criticize you.
They would just listen to you,
With rapt attention.
As the most intimate companions,
And divulge the secrets,
-You always wanted to let the people you know, you know.
You don't want to see that they might think,
-the secrets are yours'.
But you realize that they are theirs',
Which they always knew, but never wanted to see themselves.
They had no courage,
-They were afraid.
They have put on the facades.
And masked their faces.
And when the winds will whisper the messages in their ears,
They will be shocked,
They will be trembling.
-For they could see no more into each others' eyes.
Who can share their sorrows, agonies, anxieties, sense of guilt,
And SHAME ?
For the crimes they never committed !
***********************************************