The "CPTSD"

Complex Post Trauma Stress Disorder

--

A month or two ago came across this word. Since then, it has been as is if etched upon the mind. Prior to birth as a tree, a seed lies in the fruit. The unripe fruit has a dual life. The seed is alive, the fruit is alive and the tree itself is alive as a whole, yet the lives of the seed, the fruit too have a movement of their own.

The fruit may grow, ripen, fall down upon the ground and the seed may sprout to be born in the form of altogether a new life of itself.

The 3 major characteristics of "Life" as such are - Birth Growth and Death. Together they are called  जन्म, आयु, मृत्यु  in the Sanskrit.

Another way of naming them is जाति, आयु / भोग, मृत्यु .

In between enters the decay and degeneration that is called

The decay / degeneration /  deterioration  जरा. 

What is born is going to die; that is the way of the nature / the Whole Life in Totality.

But there is also a counterpart to Life.

This is called  व्याधि - the disease - anamolous turn, the way the life takes unexpectedlly. 

This is the very thing CPTSD.

Identifying this whole phenomenon could be a way of understanding it.

At the individual level, it is essentially made of the two elements  : one is knowledge another is ignorance.

Looks contradictory! 

Life as such is always consciousness. This fact is rational in the sense that it could never be denied, refuted nor be proved false or wrong through and in or by means of experience.

Being Conscious inevitably implies - knowing / "intelligence" - where the knowing itself is the knower and the known too.

Soon as and when it manifests in and as part of the Whole, like the seed in the fruit, or like another different tree, it appears to assume a "life" independent of it's own. Life as such is actually but pure knowing without the kind of this division as the self and something other than the self. Still the sense of knowing that is essentially the sense of existing only and not "being", gets split into two, just because there is this apparent division.

Once this identification of oneself settles in the "knowing" it at once assumes the sense of "I" and the other - "Not I".

So knowing "I'm"  is the pure foundation upon which is eracted a building of oneself as being this or that - or not being this or that. In this way overwhelmed by knowing, everyone is though aware of one's existence but there is the ignorance of what is meant by "I'm".

Thus a false identity comes into being that is really the culprit - व्याधि / CPTSD.

Self-Realization therefore consists in the removal of ignorance.

There is no "Enlightenment" - a new and another development of any kind in the movement of "Life" as such.

Again, this could be further asserted that "Who exactly is there having removed the ignorance could be said to have "become" Enlightened?

Psychological CPTSD -

Complex Post Trauma Stress Disorder 

Is indicative of the root-cause that is the existential external manifestation, one asserting itself repeatedly.

It's but an existential joke only indeed.

***

Attention, Awareness,

Choicelss Awareness,

And Consciousness.

Attention implies consciousness when there is a division either between the observed and the observer or no such division perceptible Any. 

Here lies the distinction between the tradition and the revolution. For the sake of simplicity, we can mark the two classical approaches to discovering the spiritual. Also between the Religious and the spiritual.

--

Many a friends often confuse between the two. Namely the Religious and the Spiritual. One and the biggest hurdle is because of mixing up the two. Almost everyone begins practicing a Religion of one's choice, depending upon a tradition, and because of ignorance of the Reality involuntarily tries to find out freedom from fear and insecurity just because no one, so as to say, knows nothing of the imagined and assumed future, wherein lies all hopes of having freedom from insecurity. Interestingly, this hope too is in the Now, the "Now" that is ever so within the direct perception of all and everyone. It's not in imagination nor assumption. Still everyone tries to figure out and control too this "Now" of the perception of the "Now", thinks how to manipulate It so that be safe and secure in the "Assumed, -the imagined Future".

This is the only very grievious an error made in dealing with the presumed "Now".

The safety and security of oneself is obviously of the two kinds. One is at the purely physical level, another is of  and about the perception of "oneself" at "Assumed, the imagined level". It's true and natural to regard oneself as the physical being which is in the form of a physical, worldly manifestation of oneself, but the perception of oneself as one, and the  specific Person is the cause of all trouble and misfortune.

That too is natural, but to find and maintain the safety and security always at all times in the imagined and assumed Future is but a hypothetical idea only. One can take all the precautions and minimize the dangers and the risks at the practical level and everyone has this inborn attitude too but observing the Reality beyond perceived notions and the imagined fears and hopes of surviving is basically misleading and one can always get rid of this faulty notion, provided one is interested in finding out.

This is how the The attention, awareness and the choiceless awareness are related with one another in the Consciousness.

This could never be possible in the Realm of Religion what-so-ever.

Only the Choiceless Awareness could open this door to the Reality, the unknown in terms of the information / knowledge of the Reality. 

***

The Train Journeys.

मकोड़िया आम! 

There was once upon a time, a narrow gauge rail route from Ujjain to Agar, a  Cant / Cantonment. Last time I saw a train passing over it in the year 1978-79, going on to my duty in the bank where I worked at that time. 

I always felt fascinated and enchanted by this view. Lastly in the year 1980, this route was no more, and the rails from there were gradually removed.

The name of the station next to Ujjain was "Makodiya Aam". Makodiya means like the tiny insects, Aam means mango. After passing through this small station till reaching a few and finally to a place named "Ghonsala" the rail-route and the motor road intersected at many places and I could watch the bus would soon overtake the train. The same train that started at Ujjain and would reach Agar, would stay there for some time and then return to Ujjain. So there was always the same single train on the railway tracks.

I remember sometime before 1959, with my parents, I had travelled by this train from Agar to Ujjain, then from another broad gauge train from Ujjain to a place Dongargarh in the Present Chhattisgarh.

From there, by bus, to another, named "Khairagarh" where my father had been  transferred in the year 1958. A nice place indeed, where there was a famous Music University :

"Indira Kala Sangeeta Vishwavisyalaya". The Vice Chancellor of this University at that time was one Mr. P. N. Chinchore. His son was my friend and I often used to go there to see and to play with him. His name was Vikas. His elder brother named Prakash and a sister Alaknanda. A happy family. I met him after again in the year 1970, when he lived at -

151 Srinagar Extension Colony in Indore. This was the last when I saw him.

From 1970 onwards till 2006 I travelled so much but my last train journey was in the year 2006. I was at Gwalior and had to come to Ujjain.

Since 2006 till date I never had a chance to travel by rail.

But later on when I had my first and the last p. c. I have always been on a virtual voyage, sitting in a train named "Time". There are two platforms on both sides. I get down at any of them according to my convenience, roam about for a while on the platform and return to my rail-cabin.

In the year 2017 my p. c. broke down. Since then I'm using a mobile handset.

The two virtual platforms referred to above are the e-blogger and the WP. 

I keep on shifting from this to that and when tired, just go for a change. Maybe the "YouTube" or mail.

This engagement too works fine and I'm very much happy with it. But how long? Just can't say!! 

*** 

ashwattha here!

Silent Dialogues 332.

"O Arjuna!

I'm Ashwattha among all the trees..."

( Shrimadbhagvad-gita / श्रीमद्भगवद्गीता)

--

In this Jungle house on the left side of my room-cum kitchen, in the Geographical North-East side, IshAna ईशान  direction, there is an Ashwattha Tree. However, as the front side of my cottage is towards the South, I can hardly see this Tree but occasionally whenever I come across it, He casts a glance over me. Sometimes a bit reluctant as he used to do in Ujjain at  the place near planatorium where often I would go for my morning and evening walks, adjacent to Birla Hospital, behind Mahananda Nagar and before Jawahar Nagar.

Two days before I saw him and greeted with the words : Hello! 

He casts a fleeting glance over me and soon might have ignored me.

I know how he is always indifferent to all and everything in the in the world and I, just to tease him, asked a question :

"You remind me of those days when you used to talk to me sometimes at Ujjain."

He kept silent. The weather has been a bit rough and tough, and the thunder and storms have been harsh upon him. A few delicate branches were fallen on the ground and the leaves were withering and rotting. Still he was standing astute at the place.

"I know you are kind of stoic and ascetic so I can see the weather and the climates don't matter to you. From where you got this resilience of austerity, not minding the atrocities and cruelties of weather?"

A smile illuminated his face and only he and I are aware how he faces all the four directions like BrahmA.

His face on my side however replied to me :

"Let me narrate for you my Sanskrit composition."

and started to recite this stanza :

न दैन्यं नैव पलायनम् न युद्धं नैव भीरुता,

सहनं सर्वदुःखानामप्रतीकारपूर्वकम्।।

"Wow! Great, Wonderful!! This is why you and all your brethren are adored, honored and worshipped like a DevatA on the earth. Congratulations!!"

Without responding to my praise soon he withdrew in himself.

अश्वत्थः सर्ववृक्षाणां... 

Came to my mind. 

This brought before my eyes a memory when before 2016, I lived at Ujjain and would go for my walks where for the first time we met and soon an intimacy prospered between us.

***

 

Is That Destiny.

Writing Something Different. 

--

I have been here for nine months in this jungle house. A summer, a rainy season and a winter. May end of the last year 23 to the Feb end of 24. Today is March 1st.

All over there is jungle. The only tar road is out of the compound where presently I'm living. The Electricity connection is quite uncertain and unreliable too.

In the morning went for walk for exactly 4 kms. -- 2 kms to and 2 kms back.

In the day rested for one and a half hour. Had light breakfast in the morning, and in the noon, lunch as well, and then kept watching YouTube. At 01:09 pm went to sleep. At 03:04 pm woke up. Cooked the broken wheat for the dinner. Had tea. In the evening an hour and half ago had my evening meal and went for the evening stroll on the one and the same road out of the compound of this place. 

I Had no idea the weather all a sudden might be going to change drastically. As I often do, just sitting silent doing nothing and mind no-where focussed, centred or distracted. Stray thoughts kept coming and going away and slowly all were just no more.

As the weather was going bad, prepared the bed, for in case it becomes worse, no light will be possibly and I shall have to go to bed soon as everywhere darkness prevails over.

Opened the WordPress / Jetpack app on my mobile, and reading posts by a fellow blogger, came across a post by a blogger -  "spookystories".

While sitting on the chair First I read "The Mirror", and then "The bad wolf" .

I don't remember the exact titles.

Presently where I live at, is also such a place like a haunted one. My pet dog was sitting outside somewhere because there were workers on the field and so he was chained. There is another caretaker who looks after the dog. So I was just sitting in my room and the storm and thunder began at the same time.  I was reading the story "The Mirror" and wondered how the situation was like where I'm presently living. I was wondering really there is something like"Destiny"!

Going through the next story about the wolf, I could sense the blogger might had felt writing this story.

*** 

पुनर्स्मरण ...

अब स्मरण नहीं है! 

आज  की कविता
______________________
**********************
© Vinay Kumar Vaidya,
(vinayvaidya111@gmail.com)
---
यह भी तथ्य है !
--
और यह भी कि, हम कभी  तथ्य  का सामना नहीं करते.
और सिर्फ़ इसलिए, क्योंकि हम तथ्य  को देखते तक नहीं शायद ही कभी हम, उसे जानने का प्रयास कभी करते हैं।
और, जैसे ही, वह हमारे समक्ष अवतरित होता है,
सर्वथा नग्न, अनावृत, अपरिभाषित,
तत्काल ही उस पर एक आवरण फेंक देते हैं,
उसे एक शब्द भी कहने का, मौक़ा तक नहीं देते.
और यद्यपि, तथ्य शब्द का उच्चार तक नहीं करता,
और न ही शब्दों से कुछ कहता हु है ,
उसके पास, फिर भी छिपाने जैसा भी,
कुछ कहाँ होता है, जो कुछ भी वह है,
वह' साक्षात् होता है. -वास्तविकता सदैव प्रकट,
प्रकाश-मात्र, और यदि हम पल भर भी चुप रह सकें,
तो तथ्य के रूप में विदा हो, लौट जाया करता है,
उसी वास्तविकता में, जिसका वह' प्रकाश है.

ले जाता है अपने साथ,हमें भी, अपनी रौ में.

वास्तविकता जैसे कभी नई, या पुरानी  नहीं  होती,
तथ्य  भी वैसे ही, कभी पुराना नहीं होता.
सदा ही नया होता है वह भी, वास्तविकता की तरह!
उसकी ही तरह वह भी, न तो एक, न अनेक
किन्तु हमारा तर्क, और हमारी टिप्पणी,
अकस्मात् ही उसे खंडित कर देती है, बहुत से, विविध,

असंख्य रूप देकर, बाँट देती  है, टुकड़े-टुकड़े !

क्या यह आश्चर्य नहीं है, कि कल्पना कैसे तथ्य को,
तत्काल ही नया वस्त्र पहना देती है!
जैसे किसी शव का अंतिम संस्कार करने से पहले, 

उस पर डाल दिया जाता है अनसिला बेजोड़ कफन!

व्यवस्था बदल देती है उसे, ले जाती है उसे,

श्मशान में दाह-संस्कार करने के लिए - 
अराजक संघर्षपूर्ण संसार में !
जबकि तथ्य का मौन, हमें वास्तविकता से जोड़ देता है.
कल्पना से परे वहाँ उस पूर्व की वास्तविकता में,
हम जिसके आलोक-मात्र हैं.
--
 

Conscious Dreams

 ABOUT : विश्वात्मा, सूत्रात्मा, परमात्मा

अव्यक्तादीनि भूतानि

--

If there is a way!

Der Man Immer Findet Einen Weg!!

--

Notes to Myself .

--------------------------

"Ich bin nicht Der Erste!

-Sagt Das Buch."

This much I Learned,

This much I could recall, 

What remains in the memory. 

Not sure whether grammatically it's correct or not. 

Some forty years ago, 

I had joined :

Learning German Course.

So long, I had been trying, 

To find out a way, 

To rescue myself,

From the intellectual labyrinth,

That I was caught intoband shrouded in.

Then Studying The Gita,

Understood and grasped, 

The following striking verses -

Including the words :

स्वभावस्तु प्रवर्तते।। 

And, 

प्रकृतेर्गुणसम्मूढा।। 

प्रकृतिजैर्गुणैः।।

प्रकृतेर्ज्ञानवानपि।। 

प्रकृतेः क्रियमाणानि गुणैः कर्माणि सर्वशः।।

And all my doubts were ultimately dissolved for good.

प्रकृति / Prakriti  itself has two aspects :

The latent, and the manifest.

Prakriti as the above two aspects is itself therefore the mAyA / माया as is described in the following verse :

दैवी ह्येषा गुणमयी मम माया दुरत्यया।।

मामेव ये प्रपद्यन्ते मायामेतां तरन्ति ते।।

This very Prakriti / प्रकृति having these three  attributes is verily the power that creates, maintains and subsequently dissolves the world of the self.

The self is again the manifest Prakriti as the individual existence, consciousness and life.

This Prakriti, again as the Unique Mother Principle, manifests itself through myriad countless forms and plays the role of "mAyA".

In the manifest form of the self it's power acts  revealed and known in the three forms viz. :

इच्छाशक्ति, क्रियाशक्ति, and ज्ञानशक्ति 

ichchhAshakti, kriyAshakti JnAnashakti respectively.

These three in association with the

प्रमाद (तमोगुण), चेष्टा (रजोगुण) and बुद्धि (सतोगुण) are manifest in the self in the form of :

Ignorance / inertia, Activity and Knowledge / information / memory.

Life itself as such plays everywhere and in all material things and all living (conscious) beings.

Life exists and is revealed ever so to itself in the way of repeated appearances and disappearance.

Life itself is verily the God Supreme, the Lord Alone, without the 'other'.

This Life, The Reality, The Only Truth is truly the proverbial Pathless land.

*** 

I

Who is There?

Who is Here? 

--

For the sake of behavior or convention, the words 'there' or 'here' are used as is required to convey the sense / idea in the question.

'there' and 'here' could be thought of either of as the noun, pronoun or the adjective according to the respective definition of them as in the Grammar of the English.

'Who' on the other hand is certainly a pronoun depending upon according to the definition of pronoun itself.

However 'here' and 'there' could also be thought of as the name of a place, and so a 'noun' in that sense.

Again, 'here' and 'there' could also be accepted adjective, because tell about the quality of a 'place', and we know that place, according to the definition, is noun.

This much so for about :

'here' and 'there'.

What about 'Who'? - the pronoun?

The author of this post is no doubt a person for all others, but for himself he is but pure consciousness only.

Being pure consciousness only, he is just unable to refer to himself as an object to be pointed out as something else from his own self.

For the readers however he is a person like themselves and all of them too are but pure consciousness only in their individual capacity.

'Who' referred to in the questions : 'Who is There?' or 'Who is here?'

is always a person - indeed always a  person - either the first - as referred to as 'I' or as the second - as could be referred to / addressed to as 'You' and as 'he' as referred to only, and never could be addressed to.

What about this author who for myself is however pure consciousness only for me and though expressed through the word 'I' only?

This author who had in the presumed past the idea that

"all this, that is here is verily Atman / Brahman / Self only,"

In that presumed past, in that past, in the last 4-5 hours only felt an idea is nevertheless always thought, a verbal construct that arises and has a life momentary like a flash only, and then disappears too.

This reflected understanding is like this : 

"all that is "here" is verily neither presumed Atman, Brahman nor the Self, but is "Nature" only.

The nature that is the observed and the observer as well, is the one "Who" is supposed to observe also."

Is not this categorization between the observer and the observed  again a false way of thinking only?

Is this not also true that this "Nature" too is but always pure consciousness only, all alone, without a second to itself :

अद्वितीय एकमेव?

*** 

Thanks!

Poetry of the day

Sharing here :

P O E T R Y

Posted this as a comment on a fellow blogger's post. 

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